A Grand Adventure
Life has been spectacularly incredible over the past month. I don’t even know where to start to share the joy and adventures. Not too long after my last post, Shane and I found out we were invited to go on a private Grand Canyon rafting trip. One of our dear friends won the lottery! If you didn’t know, getting a private rafting permit on the Grand Canyon is a rare opportunity of a lifetime; many people wait 20 years or more to win the opportunity. You can read more about how to get a permit here:
Shane is an experienced river man and former raft guide; he’s some kind of river god, superhero of a waterman human. I’m not even close to bragging because this is like saying he has brown eyes. It’s the raw truth. He’d never tell you and he’d deny this statement as he is the most humble of men. In his words, he’s “just a dirtbag” as river men like to call themselves and I believe he’s been on the Grand 8-9 times. He was a professional kayaker, too, so he’s the guy people want to have on their trips and he gets more opportunities than your average guy. If you think I’m a little off on my statement, go here. to watch my Shane on Amazon Prime The World’s Toughest Race - EcoChallenge Fiji It will prove he’s everything I described in addition to being deeply kind and sincere.
In case I haven’t mentioned it, I am seriously the luckiest lady to have found this man. The life of adventure I had always craved is at my fingertips and we are constantly doing amazing things together. He is so solidly steady and capable on these adventures and I adore this man with all of my being. He’s kind, sincere, athletic, and rocks six-pack abs like a boss. It’s humbling and intimidating and, if I’m really honest, I find that the little voice in my head telling me I am not enough for him is ever present and I work hard to shush those false thoughts. I’m not sure when I will fully embrace my own tenacity and badassery, but being the partner of an athlete of his caliber is ever nagging at making one believe they are not worthy. That I am not enough. That I am not, nor will I ever be, as capable or fit as him, and that I missed my chance to do all of the things my heart desired. That’s all bullshit - with some truth and shame intertwined.
He steadily held strongly the the calls of his soul through his 20’s, 30’s and 40’s, whether others thought those desires were selfish or not. He even created a career as an engineer building whitewater parks. Who does that??? My 20’s and 30’s were filled with hustle and hard work to build the independent life I wanted in my career and then as a struggling single mom, while dreaming about many of the adventures and the fitness I wanted. Hoping to raft all the rivers and climb all of the mountains. Here I am now learning to mountain bike, hiking, camping, learning to raft, and skiing but I feel behind the curve of the life I dreamt of for so long. But that’s just shame talking, trying to keep me small. I have done incredible things in my life, as a mom, in my career and doing many adventures. The reality is I want to continually push my body and mind athletically and live a life of adventure, and I am doing those things. I am more than enough and bring a world of my own unique skills and traits to our partnership. And I’m determined as all else to keep up with this man and continue to support his dreams and ours together. And most importantly, to lead this life together and show our boys this example of what it looks like to live a life of adventure running after the desires of our souls.
Back to the meat of this post… Getting ready for the trip meant we had a lot of things to get lined up to be ready- primarily child care and packing and getting our work stuff to a place that felt good to fully unplug from for 7 days. We decided to make this our honeymoon and leave the kids at home. I felt strongly that our boys were too young for the extremes of the Grand. The water is really cold and jumping in sucks the breath out of your lungs and you scramble to get out. I believe hypothermia happens after only 3.5 minutes in water. Combine that with heat and long days on intense rapids… and my gut said it was NOT time for our boys. I also wanted to experience all of the extremes for my first time without being there having to wear the role of mom, too.
The Canyon was absolutely spectacular. The camps were all different. We packed up our rafts each morning and rowed to a new camp and unpacked again. I learned to row. Seriously, who gets to say they learned to row rafting on THE GRAND CANYON??? We spent the days navigating the Canyon and the huge water and the side hikes etc. Each day was spectacular, different and we were fully disconnected from the outside world bonding with our new and old friends. Living ever so presently. On our final day, I watched my superman Shane save a woman on another raft trip who very likely would have drowned. It was equally traumatic and inspiring and I feel more resolved than ever that we teach our boys to be boatmen just like him.
One of these days I might write a day by day description of our 6 days on the Grand and the hike out to the south rim. I might describe all of the characters, the camps and the days. I might tell you about our “white trash wedding reception” and my foot puncture wound from stepping on a stick. I might describe what it felt like to stand naked and shower in front of the entire group. But I might not. I might hold it all sacred and just let it settle into my soul. Right now it is marinating and I am in no hurry for anything. The to do lists of my life and work have faded and I hope they have lost their hold on my life. I am writing this morning because that’s what I want to do and because I want to forever document what this feels like so I won’t lose sight of it. What I am keeping from our adventure: the deeper adoration for my Shane and my desire to support the things that set his soul on fire. I want to be present and let go of the things and experiences that feel misaligned for me and to just let the desires of my soul lead all paths. I want to go and grow in the directions that feel right, and never row into the eddies that suck me in with their falsely peaceful swirls. (If you’re a river rat, you get that analogy.)
Post Grand Canyon Adventure Day #1 - it’s one of those pivotal moments that I feel changed forever. It feels like life will never be the same. I will never be the same. I feel clarity and peace. The level of clarity is pure like the waters were the entire time on our trip (not normal on the Grand). I feel peaceful, focused, centered and more connected than ever to Shane. I’m happy to be home with the boys, but I do deeply miss the friends we left who are still rafting for the next 9 days. I left a part of myself with them and will not feel whole again until I know they are safely on the other side of each of the intense rapids that they have to encounter over the next week.
What do I want? I want a life filled to the “rim” with these adventures. A life of these experiences and moments. A life where I do ALL of the things I want to do and run towards every single desire of my heart. I want financial freedom. A life feeling secure - in who I am. In standing naked in front of everyone, imperfectly, but proudly in my own skin just being me. A life of pushing myself physically and living with abundant health… so that I can continue to do these things for decades.
I crave abundance of support and connection. Authentic connections and sharing my skills with those who need them to help create the life their souls crave. To help other small businesses scale so they can experience the things that set their souls on fire. I want to work less and play more. I want my money to work for me. I want to have more peace and push the limits of my body even further. I want to be ever present with my kids. I want to be ever present every day going forward and I want less “to do” lists. And I will start all of this by holding steadily to my resolve and plan to work only three days a week this summer during their break.
